I'm now 32 weeks along (2 months
left) and I'm trying to milk as much out of this pregnancy as possible. I've
hit the crest of my bell curve, but I'm trying my best to enjoy it as much as
possible till the inevitable angry, uncomfortable, irritable beast of a woman
inside me emerges in my last few weeks.
Now let me preface this with the
fact that I'm uber thankful that I didn't have to deal with never-ending nausea
or extreme weight gain. For the most part, I've been having a pretty easy
pregnancy and I'm thankful that my body hasn't become so disfigured that I look
like the Michelin Man version of my pre-pregnancy self.
As to be expected, my tiny frame is
being stretched, pulled, and pushed in all different directions and I have a
basketball sized belly weighing down on all the organs below my waist. I
can’t see anything below the top of my belly curve-- which makes for
investigating aches, pains, and "discomforts" quite difficult. I
like to call these discomforts “silent predators”… you can’t seem them, but boy
do you feel them.
Which brings me to my story....
Warning: The following tale is not for the faint of heart. I am
documenting it for my own purposes-- mainly so that in the future, when I think
I'm having a bad day, I can come back and read this and think "yeah your
day is not THAT bad". You know what I mean. Glad we're on the
same page.
Thankfully, I am blessed with a
husband that has quite the sense of humor. Well, that and he's not the
squeamish type-- unless you're a baby and you barf in his mouth or your dog
sneezes in his face (just throwing out random scenarios that would be an
exception).
So it had been a few days and I had
been feeling an interesting "discomfort" in an area that was not
easily reachable and definitely unseen (especially by me). This
unpleasantness then manifested itself into an insatiable itch. I'm
talking about an itch so bad you plead for death. Being the classy
woman that I am, I obviously rubbed that area raw... to the point that I'm sure
it will never look the same again.
This is where Matt comes in.
Poor Matt. I'd been awake all night-- going to town on eliminating the
itch, so I was wide awake by the time his 5am alarm went off. He turns
off his alarm and a voice from the darkness says this:
"Um... I need you to look at something
for me". That's never a good sign.
Matt dutifully examines me and
responds so matter-of-factly with
"Well, it looks like…(thoughtful
pause as he waits for the right description to grace his lips)… the rudder of a
ship".
I'm no expert here, but I have no
use for a rudder. The image that comes
to mind is that of kneading bread dough and after a while it doubles in size. Except, I never intended to bake
loaves with my butt.
You should have seen the face on the
Target cashier that watched me unload my "ship-rudder elminating"
purchases onto the conveyer belt. I threw some gum and snacks on there as
well just to "lighten the mood". I can't be the first person
who has ever bought Prep-H and Chex mix together. At least now I know how to
build the perfect relief package for any other pregnant woman that's
experiencing these foes.
 |
| Rudder Elimination Kit |
To top it all off, I ended up also
breaking out into a full body food allergy rash from something I ate on
Father's Day. After being sent to 2 different doctors and a
perinatologist they concluded that I can't eat shrimp, strawberries, or sesame
seeds for the rest of the pregnancy. It's too bad, I was planning a
shrimp and sesame seed oil stir fry, garnished with strawberries. OR... it could just be heat rash. We're currently testing out theories.
